Saturday, February 25, 2012

Moonstruck

My childhood was an era that I hold close to my heart, like a mother holding her newborn. It was a short and simple time, but nevertheless, it was an important time that shaped me into the person I am today. Like everyone I learned many simple things, such as tying my shoes, riding a bike, and remembering my times tables. Childhood and carefree could almost be used interchangeably, in the sense that the only things I cared about was getting the newest toy and not missing my Saturday morning cartoons. I spent many hours with my father. We were inseparable, but one magical night he showed me the moon through a telescope and as a result I gradually became interested in science, specifically astronomy. This memory I hold close to my heart, and every time I think about this memory it makes me treasure the priceless time we had together.

It was the fall of 1998, and I was five years old with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, but I was the kind of boy who wore picked outfits by his mother and enjoyed bothering people with questions. I loved asking questions; however I loved getting my questions answered even more. I remember asking my kindergarten teacher after recess while still gasping for air after running across the playground through the cold morning fog, “why aren’t there any more dinosaurs?” He paused as if thinking about what his response should be, for he replied with a confused look: “you know what… that is very good question and I wish I could give you an answer… ”. When I shockingly said “really?! You don’t know?” he responded with a suggestion, “why don’t you find out for me and tell me tomorrow?” I simply said, “Ok Mr. Bush I’ll find out for you!” Later that evening just by luck a NOVA special was on public television and I learned that an asteroid more than likely wiped them all off. The next day I told my teacher what I had learned, and he was impressed by my persistence.

As soon as I learned that the dinosaurs became extinct by a heavenly object, my attention quickly turned from looking down at the ground and around me, to looking up at sky and beyond the blue sky. In much the same way the early explorers did looking across the Atlantic in frantic search for the new world. I realized at a young age that I was also in my own frantic search for something special and far away.

It was a clear but chilly Friday night, the perfect conditions to star gaze. I was inside my warm house in the living room watching a movie very peacefully with my loyal dog at my side, yet I grew somewhat bored and turned off the movie. As I wandered about the house like a message in a bottle at sea, I came across my mother in her bedroom and asked her where my father went because I couldn’t him anywhere in the house. She said that he didn’t go anywhere, that he was outside in the cold with his telescope, and if I wanted to join him outside I first had to put on a sweater. Next I quickly put on my bulky sweater and bolted out the back door, so then I saw my father right away and started walking through the icy air towards him. He was alone, yet consumed in intense bright moonlight, and it had rained the day before making the air crystal clear. I calmly walked over to him and asked what he was doing. He told me in a mysterious philosophical tone that he was staring at another world.

He asked me if I wanted to see the moon even though he knew I was already overly excited to do so. I looked into the eyepiece which was still warm and I saw the most divine thing I have ever seen. It was a flooding of new information for my five year old mind to comprehend, but while gazing at the moon my father began talking about the Apollo missions of the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. Everything he was telling me with excitement seemed impossible and fabricated, yet I believed every word he said. With this newly found knowledge I began observing the moon with more detail. I could see mountains, craters, and canyons and the black ominous shadows they created. For a minute I imagined myself on the bright powdered surface of the moon and I tried to picture how the earth would look like from my viewpoint. When I came back from my daydream I found myself still staring at moon through the eyepiece and in great exhilaration. 

Analyzing my own abilities and interests, I think science is the most suitable subject for me.  I plan to cherish the many memories I had with my father especially the one on that cold silent full moon night. He has blessed my life with amazing lessons on how to live. He taught me that the only person that can take anything from you is yourself. He also taught me that each of us is in control of our own destiny by always maintaining our dignity, reputation, character, and honor. I am better prepared to handle life and what college has in store for me. And having my lovely family there with me, particularly, the memory of my father in my heart I know that someday I will become an important person as my father was to many.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Conscious thought is the tidying up at the end

Every increment of consciousness, every step forward is a ‘travesia’, a crossing. I am again an alien in new territory. And again, and again. But if I escape conscious awareness, escape “knowing,” I won’t be moving. Knowledge makes me more aware, it makes me more conscious. “Knowing” is painful because after “it happens” I can’t stay in the same place and be comfortable. I am no longer the same person I was before.
-- Gloria Anzaldua

This applies to my daily life in many ways. I am constantly reading, growing, discussing inequalities, victories, theories. I change from day to day, my identity expands, my self-definition and self love transforms.  My heart grows big with excitement because I constantly discover literature meant to empower and free those formerly silenced and rendered dead, but then my soul also aches with the added pain that consciousness always brings. I cry for more people, I cry more easily, and cry for the parts of myself that are just now beginning to surface. 

But it is necessary? There is never a final level of consciousness that we meet, a level that declares us officially ‘grown up’, unable to process anymore knowledge, or unable to move to a ‘higher plain’ because we have reached it.  We never stop moving, shifting, growing.  Sometimes we wish we could hold still and be in a single place forever because it is safe.  But that place of safety will never bring about revolution whether internal revolution or external nothing will happen if we become immobile.  

I get excited for tomorrow, yet somewhat afraid of it.  But, as I stay afraid, sometimes alone, sometimes confused, I do so while moving forward.  It is through conscious movement that freedom occurs; no one ever found liberation through inactivity.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Ever Lasting Victories


Two years ago I came to realize that I was extremely over weight. At my heaviest, I weighted 250lbs. I was not happy with my self and I wanted to change so badly. One lazy afternoon I decided that for now on I would work out and eat healthier to see if I would loose any pounds.

Surely enough I started to shed the pounds, my hard work was paying off. Now I roughly weigh 195lbs give or take a few. I continue to exercise on a regular bases to this day, but now my work outs include biking along with my routinely work outs on the treadmill.

I soon came to a revelation of sorts.  

If I stick at it long enough, I eventually get lucky. I will get what I wanted.

The other side of the story is, if I enjoy success long enough, I will make mistakes, and I will blow it.


Lasting success requires more than luck. Lasting success requires learning from mistakes and using what I have learned to move on to greater victories.